Good Night Sister-Mommy

Hi Sherry,

I wanted to prepare a proper response to your comment before publishing both of our comments. Hence my delay in publishing yours.

I’d like to begin with saying that this was never an attack on individuals with TS nor was I claiming to be an “expert” on TS. Far from it. Rather, it was about the decision this mother, Melanie, made that I disagreed with.

I think that sometimes people make decisions that, on the surface, appear to be for the good of someone. Indeed, their intentions I’m sure are genuine. But upon closer inspection I think there are times when the motiviation of their intentions is really about (at least in part) to fulfill their own desires.

For reasons I cannot understand (and I don’t think it’s because I’m a father, not a mother) Melanie projected her own feelings (fears?) on her daughter’s future — that of not being able to give birth to a child. When did that become a fear that a parent would have to interfere with? Calming a child from that squeaky noise in their bedroom at night or while watching a scary movie — those are the fears we should be tending to, not our own fears of them not having the chance to bear a child. That’s why I mentioned that medical advancements, as good as they are, have crossed boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. Of course, that’s just my opinion, and we could find numerous differing views.

I said “nature’s opinion”, but to be more clear I should have said that it’s “God’s will”. I’m NOT saying He’s punishing anyone. Please don’t misunderstand that point. Instead, it’s that we’ve all been given gifts and challenges that He has left up to us to deal with in the best way we can. But I don’t think that means we should be playing His role. That’s what Melanie did, in a way, by deciding to freeze her eggs for her daughter’s future because she thinks her life would be less meaningful if she were not to bear a child. I have kids of my own, and indeed it is a wonderful experience. But to say that someone will not have as rich a life without children would be met with a gazillion singles or married couples without children that would say, “Nonsense!”

What of this?

So to turn it around a bit, if my son marries years from now and finds out that he can’t make his wife pregnant, should I go out tomorrow and freeze my sperm just in case? Will he be missing out on what it means to be a father or have less of a life? Absolutely not, because he can adopt or choose not to have kids at all. I’m all for making plans for the future, but planning my children’s pregnancy is not and will not be one of them. That’s God’s job, not ours. And what of the emotional turmoil such a case might bring? It wouldn’t really my son’s child; it would be mine. And even though I would have had this baby in a non-intimate sterile way, I would have still had a baby with someone who’s not my wife. No thanks. I have too many troubles of my own without me needing to create new ones.

Regarding the other medical advancements you spoke of (i.e., bypasses, inhalers, antibiotics, etc.): those solutions are meant to save lives or to improve the quality of life. Giving birth is something else entirely. When it’s used to make someone feel better, then not only is that an abuse of the gift of life, but it also cheapens the meaning of giving life.

You asked “Four hundred years later, does it matter?” Of course it does; your ancestry managed to get along just fine without the types of medical solutions available to you today. You and your daughter are proof of that.

I really do appreciate the time you’ve spent sharing here. I hope I have not offended you in any way. Please feel free to reply more.