Last year I wrote a Christmas post called “Twas My Blog Before Christmas.” It received a lot of great response. I thought I’d try my hand at another one, but this time write it to the tune of “The Little Drummer Boy”, the song that inspired the name of my blog. (It’s one of my favorite Christmas songs.)

If you’ve subscribed to as many emails as I have from people selling you tools and services meant to make you money online, then you’ll likely recognize some things in this story.

Feel free to post it on your blog if you care to share a little Christmas humor.

The Little Internet Marketing Boy

I got an email, to sell me something.
It had a bunch of hype, yet was very boring.
It said to “click right here”, so I clicked right along.
And when I saw the page it was a mile long,
It had a theme song, the grammar was wrong.

I tried to finish it and not go brain dead.
Here’s what it said:

“Buy this product, it’s quite amazing.
You can get rich,” it said, “by doing nothing.
Just pay me money and you’ll be like me.
Driving expensive cars and live by the sea,
Living debt free, counting money.”

The promises it made were simply profound.
The jackpot I’d found!

Then I read reports from 12 of his friends.
They had great things to say. That’s 12 recommends!
Then I read 20 more. This guy had it all.
How could I pass this up? I want to be rich,
What a sales pitch. Give me my niche!

I had to order now, the countdown clock said.
But onward I read.

There was a bonus plus 17 more!
I felt just like a kid in a candy store.
The price had been reduced at least seven times.
I had to buy right now. This offer won’t last.
I had to act fast. Potential so vast!

But I clicked “No thanks” and the page that I got
Was an error I thought.

“So you don’t like my deal? How ’bout this one now?
It’s short two bonuses, and priced to sell now.”
“No thanks,” to that one, too. The response was the same.
This game went on twice more, “Please throw me a bone,”
Leave me alone. I want to go home.

By then my inbox had seven times the “ping”.
They sold the same thing…the very same thing.

Looks like Halloween started a little early this year for a girl who was recording an educational video for her high school project.

Fortunately, it happened in broad daylight, so I guess it could have been worse. I read that she’s doing fine thanks to some kind people on the Internet.

It only takes a few minutes to check it out.

You’re not going to believe this. I was browsing the Web this evening (like I do every evening) and found on some obscure news site a video clip of Mark Mason competing in the Olympics.

Who the heck is Mark Mason?

He’s the rising star of the Internet marketing world. You can check him out at MasonWorld.com.

Anyway, I knew he had been to Asia recently, but I didn’t know exactly for what. Well, my friends, you saw it here first: Mark Mason diving off of what appears to be a mile-high diving board making a perfect 10 dive. Check it out.

[Warning: his swim suit is a little snug and he needs to get more sun. So if you've just eaten, you may want to wait an hour or two.)

Bwahahahaha!

It has been a while since I’ve written about my favorite TV show, Heroes. The last two posts I made was about a parody, which is hilarious, called Zeroes.

I was pleased to find not one, but four new installments of the parody on YouTube. In light of the recent news, it’s very timely because it’s my understanding that this season will end in the coming weeks and won’t resurface until next Fall.

Until then, we’ll have to enjoy things made by clever people.

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

And last, but not least, Episode 4

[tags]zeroes,heroes[/tags]

For those of you who celebrate Thanksgiving Day, I wish you a happy one!

I leave you with this image I stumbled upon. If I had a nickel every time this happened to me…

I was digging through my grandparents attic last night and found something shocking! Apparently a well-known alien named Gummy has been among us humans for some time. He’s quite the dancer, too.

Check out this footage. Who’s that girl he’s with? She looks familiar.

[tags]humor,charleston,gummy[/tags]

This isn’t so much as an endorsement of a service as it is a review of something that I find comical.

Say you’re in unfamiliar territory and you’ve just finished a large glass of water, maybe two, at a restaurant. You forgot to [ahem] relieve yourself and now you’re walking down the street and you reeeeally have to go.

Where do you go when you’re on the go?

Well, just whip out your handy-dandy cell phone and text MizPee and find out. Just enter your city and street and you’ll get a list of results sent back to you complete with toilet paper rolls signifying the rating of each (kind of like using stars to rate things). You’ll even receive some nice reading material while you’re doing your business.

What will they think of next?

I found this video a while back while browsing. The message is clear: America has gone too far to accommodate other people’s languages in its own country.

The one time that I have been out of the country, I appreciated the translations to my language when it came to signs, like the kind you would find in airports. But those are public places. I wouldn’t dream of demanding someone speak my language while in their homeland. When in Rome, do as the Romans do, right?

So why do immigrants think they should expect special treatment in my country?

[tags]videos,America,language[/tags]

Ever get in one of those moods when you want to lash out at a Web site? Maybe you’re no hacker, but gosh darnit you know how to throw a tomato, or unleash a dinosaur, or even launch an attack from Mars.

With Netdisaster, you can do all that and more.

Simply enter the URL of the site you want to open a can of whoop-A on. Next, choose your weapon of choice: meteors, scribbling baby, chainsaw, wasps, spilled coffee, and quite a few more.

Then watch the site as it gets bombarded by whatever you throw at it. Some come with sounds, and you have a choice of automating the attack or, if you want to take a more hands-on approach, you control things with a click of the mouse.

Of course, I know you’d never want to do this with MY blog. Right?

[tags]netdisaster,fun,entertainment[/tags]

Do you remember the coffin bank? How about Bionic Bigfoot? The Magic Window? Joy buzzer? If these left you scratching your head, then you’re probably too young to have remembered them as childhood favorites, but that doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy them now.

Secret Fun Spot is a trip down memory lane for those who lived it. For others, it can be a lesson in history. In either case, it’s an entertaining way to pass the time.

Revisit mail-order pranks from the pages of comic books. Laugh at the silly, but charming Halloween costumes of yester-year. Play (in your mind) the toys that sparked the imagination of kids on Saturday afternoons.

You have several categories to choose from represented by retro-looking iconography. Once selected, you move along in slideshow format to view each item.

[tags]novelties,fun,toys[/tags]