A Christmas Song About Internet Marketers

Last year I wrote a Christmas post called “Twas My Blog Before Christmas.” It received a lot of great response. I thought I’d try my hand at another one, but this time write it to the tune of “The Little Drummer Boy”, the song that inspired the name of my blog. (It’s one of my favorite Christmas songs.)

If you’ve subscribed to as many emails as I have from people selling you tools and services meant to make you money online, then you’ll likely recognize some things in this story.

Feel free to post it on your blog if you care to share a little Christmas humor.

The Little Internet Marketing Boy

I got an email, to sell me something.
It had a bunch of hype, yet was very boring.
It said to “click right here”, so I clicked right along.
And when I saw the page it was a mile long,
It had a theme song, the grammar was wrong.

I tried to finish it and not go brain dead.
Here’s what it said:

“Buy this product, it’s quite amazing.
You can get rich,” it said, “by doing nothing.
Just pay me money and you’ll be like me.
Driving expensive cars and live by the sea,
Living debt free, counting money.”

The promises it made were simply profound.
The jackpot I’d found!

Then I read reports from 12 of his friends.
They had great things to say. That’s 12 recommends!
Then I read 20 more. This guy had it all.
How could I pass this up? I want to be rich,
What a sales pitch. Give me my niche!

I had to order now, the countdown clock said.
But onward I read.

There was a bonus plus 17 more!
I felt just like a kid in a candy store.
The price had been reduced at least seven times.
I had to buy right now. This offer won’t last.
I had to act fast. Potential so vast!

But I clicked “No thanks” and the page that I got
Was an error I thought.

“So you don’t like my deal? How ’bout this one now?
It’s short two bonuses, and priced to sell now.”
“No thanks,” to that one, too. The response was the same.
This game went on twice more, “Please throw me a bone,”
Leave me alone. I want to go home.

By then my inbox had seven times the “ping”.
They sold the same thing…the very same thing.